The In Between

I feel like I’m in an in-between space right now. It’s an interesting feeling. Behind me I have my debut album, (which turned one year old last month!), a bunch of music videos that I’m really proud of, and a few tours (well, one official tour and a kind of perpetual tour). We’re coming to the end of pre-booked shows. That, in itself, is a weird feeling because, for the past 5 months or so there have consistently been many on the horizon. I’m in between albums. I’m in between show runs. I’m in between spaces. I’m in between.

I haven’t yet recorded my next original album. All of the songs are written. I know what all the colors and images are going to be like. I have ideas for everything. But it’s yet to be made. Until then, I have one new multi-song project in the can. I’ve been making artwork for that and thinking about aesthetics. I have a second multi-song project in the can. I’ve been tweaking artwork for that as well. I’m excited about those. I’m excited to share them.

I feel like the ‘Indigo’ cycle (my first album) is ending. That’s a weird feeling because ‘Indigo’ has presided over the last two years of my life with its comforting celestial glow. Moving forward feels a little bit like graduating from college. There is a feeling of nostalgia and gratitude. Excitement and curiosity about what’s going to happen next. The assurance that what is past will always be there within me. I know the name of the next era but that’s about the extent of it. I have the outline, a gauzy shape, in my mind. I’ll know it when I see it. I know enough about it to be able to assemble it from the scraps and detritus of life. I know what it will be.

In this in-between space, I’m reflecting. What do I want the next year to look like? The next era? Where do I want to be? Where do I want to end up? What kinds of things do I want to do? I’m trying to figure out who I admire, to identify what will make me feel fulfilled, like a ‘success.’ Things happen so incrementally that it’s hard for me to see when I’m achieving things. I want to have solid goals.

I know that I want to be heard. To be seen. I want to collaborate with other artists. I want to be seen as a peer to my idols. I don’t know that success, to paraphrase David Foster Wallace, is really a feeling, per say. In an attempt to quantify my goals for the next phase, to be able to recognise progress as it occurs, I’ve been feeling like I need to make a list of updated, concrete goals (maybe I’ll devote an upcoming post to that).

I’m using this in-between time to reflect and recalibrate. I know that the end of one phase is really just the beginning of another.